U2

Well well, one of the biggest bands in Irish rock history, sold loads of albums, sold out stadiums, guess what, I DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!!!  4 talentless fuckin twats that somehow made it lucky in a fluky kinda way.  Shitbags, Bono cant sing to save his life and as for his guitar playin skills, lets not get into that right now, The Edge(what kinda fuckin nickname is that anyway) voted one of the top 10 guitarists on some thing I watched one night, he was higher than SLASH, fuck that shit, who was listening to him, i'll tell ya who, someone who doesnt know a fuckin thing about music, thats who, shit guitarist, then weve got Adam wankbag Clayton on bass, he's so shit its unbefuckinlievable, he just stands there pretending to play and does this stupid little dance with his stupid shades on, fuck him anyway and last we have Larry i tiddle the drums Mullen Jr, what a shit drummer, sitting there pretending to play the drums, some people think hes one of the best, hahahah hahahahaahahahahaah, hahahaha, cough cough, my breakfast is coming up, hahahahaahah, choke, hahhahah! Hes shit!! There are tonnes of better bands around in Dublin past and present that would piss all over U2, the blades, horslips, thin lizzy, radiators!! you get my drift, some people think u2 are one of the best Irish bands ever, i have news for you, theyre not and you need to get a fuckin life!!!! WHAT A LOAD OF TALENTLESS WANK!!! Now managed by Louis Walsh, you heard it here first, hahahahahah!!! Good day!!!

Ainsley Harriot French Onion Cup a Soup

Well heres a fuckin humdinger for ya!  This was years ago I bought these things and it only came to mind now, coz i start doing these reviews again and I thought, these defo need a mention.  Right, they were selling these in Aldi before for 1.25 or something for 3 or 4 sachets and I thought to myself, hmm, thats good value and I had never had a french onion cup a soup before because the real french onion soup, in the words of colin farrel from intermission "FUCKIN DELISH MAN" but this was far from it!!!  I got home one day from a hard days work and was feeling a tad peckish, so I knocked on the oul kettle and got a few slices of bread ready, "click", thats the kettle there, so i poured the powder from the soup into the mug and I thought to myself that powder smells a bit funky, anyway, I poured the water on the powder and fuck me, the smell that hit me was unbefuckinlievable, it was like a rat crawled up a skunks arse and died, its was fuckin vile, disgusting and then to add insult to injury, i take a fuckin sip, ahhhhhhh!!!!! My face went from mortified to what the fuck am I doing to myself!!!  It was like I was gagged with a sweaty sock filled with shite and onion, its was fuckin mank i tells ya!!!!!  I fucked the rest of the thing down the sink and the soups went straight into the bin, box and all with that fucker ainsleys chevy chase(face) on it combined with autograph!!! These things were HELL in a sachet, if you ever see them, steer clear i tell ya, steer clear, if you happen to see ainsley near a box of them, throw them into his face and tell him to fuck off and never cook AGAIN!!! Goodnight!!

Budweiser Lager

Well where do I start with this tantalisingly refreshing alcoholic beverage!!!  This stuff is the bees knees, the dogs bollocks, the fiddlers elbow, you get my drift!! This stuff is great, its 4.3 in the percentage department which is quite nice, it means you can drink plenty of the fuckers and not be banjaxed.  Id say I could drink about 12 of these bad boys in one sitting and it would get me nicely toasted and next morning, guess what, no hangover, I dont know how or why but this is one of them beers that does that and its fuckin fantastic!!  Skangers on the other hand, they drink bottles of this and after about 2 of them, THEYRE SHITFACED!!! Stupid little knack tash sporting idiots, they just cant handle theyre ale, now fuck off and dont waste my time!!! BUDWEISER IS THE DOGS BOLLOCKS!!!!! Cans and Pints only, bottles can piss off!!!!

McKennedy Sweetcorn Relish from LIDL

Well this stuff is like taking a shit whilst still wearing your fuckin trousersuit!!!  ITS FUCKIN MANKY!!!  I went into LIDL one day, as you do and rolled by the sauce/relish isle and said to myself, hmm, i think i'll treat myself to a jar of relish, they had this nice lookin jalapenis, i mean jalapeno one sorry, that looked very nice indeed but was a bit on the pricey side so i said ah fuck it, ill try this sweetcorn one, it didnt look too bad in the jar INFERNUS(oh thats the car from GTA, sorry) INFAIRNESS, haha,!  It looked rather appetising actually, so I paid for this stuff along with a bunch of other items and left the place.  I unlocked my bike, I got on my bike, I, I, I, why am I telling you all of this when I need to be warning you about the dangers of this relish!! I got home and decided I would make a sanger(sandwich) so I did, i put on the filling then put on this STUFF, I took a bite and holy fuck, fuck fucking me, it was like there was a party in my mouth and everyone was slinging SHITE at this said party!!!  The taste was very unpleasant, very unpleasant indeed, I didnt like it, I had been stabbed in the back once again, except this time it was LIDL that done it, I need to drop theyre knife back into them next time im in there, steer well clear of this condiment if you know whats good for you, oh yeah and one of the ingredients is CAULIFLOWER, i only seen that when I was dumping the fuckin thing, who puts cauliflower in RELISH, ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! MANKY!!! Seeya soon and it wont be in LIDL!!!! Tatty bye my pedigree chums!!

Angelic Upstarts/Crashed Out Split: The Dirty Dozen

Well fuck me sideways with a rowing oar!!!  This split is some of the best punk rock I have heard in a while let me tell ya!!  The upstarts are at theyre fuckin best on this, every song is a cracker and as for crashed out, fuckin brilliant band, they play punk rock n roll, sound slightly like social distortion, wretched ones, reducers sf, that kinda stuff, its fuckin great.  The track that stood out most for me by the upstarts was Nazi BNP, which is about them fuckin wankers!!! Its your basic upstarts song with deadly verse which brings you into the deadly Oi sounding chorus, that makes the hair stand on the back of your ballsack, i mean neck, sorry sorry!! haha!  Crashed out track that stands out for me on this is Get a Life, its sounds like "let the boots do the talking" by Oi Polloi, but fuck it, its a cracking track, as is the oi polloi song but yeah, this split is a must for all Punk Rock/Oi/Punk rock n roll fans, get it, do it now, do it today or do it eventually!!!!! YOU HEAR ME!!! Over and Out!!!

The Vinetree Off Licence

Well well, I was on the 123 bus yesterday coming through summerhill(dodgy as fuck) or as I call it SCUMMERHILL, anyway the further you go down on the bus I think you come to ballybough(more scum).  There was this mad looking offo called Vine Tree, I seen 2 scummers enter the place also, its like one you'd see in belfast with some fantastic prices, like in belfast.  This had things like 2 flagons for 4.99 and all this, big bottles of beer for fuck all, this sounds right up my street but not that fuckin street, I dont wanna be going to BANDIT COUNTRY to get my ale i fuckin tell thee!  Id rather stick with the local offo, i dont wanna be getting my face kicked off for a couple of cheap cans of lager with a name like GOBBLERS KNOB ALE or JOLLY REACHAROUND STOUT!! Fuck that shit, wouldnt go near the place!!! G'day!

Time Line on the fuckin Dole!

When I heard about this my blood was on the fuckin boil I fuckin tell ya.  I heard this on Ireland AM, bunch of wankers, oh I'll come back to those cunts in a minute.  Basically this means that you will be fucked off the dole after a certain amount of time, what the fuck are you supposed to do then, this countries fucked, no fuckin jobs, hello, hello, anyone fuckin in there.  Joan Burton needs to be kicked into that wookie head of hers and torn a new fuckin arsehole!! THE FUCKHEAD!!!  This is defo gonna increase crime rates i'd say, oh the garda are gonna have to do a bit of work now, boohoo!! Its a load of bollocks!! Back to  those pricks on Ireland AM though, one of them totally agreed with it, yeah, it was none other than that FAT FUCKIN WASTE OF SPACE, Aidan "I eat everything in my path" Cooney.  This fat cunt gets a big salary at the end of the day, yeah, id like to see him living on the scratcher and being told he has a deadline to find a fuckin job thats not there.  THE FAT WASTE!!! He has his fingers in a lotta pies anyway and I dont know which ones he's fuckin eating, ALL OF THEM perhaps!!!! WHAT A FUCKIN JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!